Funny Insults to Call Your Friends: A fun and harmless method to inject some comedy into a friendship is to use witty insults as a way to playfully taunt or joke with pals. However, it’s crucial to keep in mind that everyone has different senses of humor and boundaries, so you should take care to avoid offending or hurting anyone with your jokes and insults.
When it comes to resolving disputes and disagreements, it’s also crucial to employ humor with the awareness that it should never take the place of open, honest conversation.
Being able to think of hilarious insults on the spot might be challenging, so I’ve put up a list of some lighthearted, offensive-free, and non-insulting nicknames and jokes you can use with your pals. So, if you want to spice up your conversations with your pals and make them more enjoyable and humorous, think about using some of these witty insults.
Funny Insults to Call Your Friends
Non-offensive, insulting but funny nicknames to call your friends.
“The Walking Dictionary”
“The grand master of sarcasm”
“The human thesaurus”
“The resident comedian”
“The master of puns”
“The master debater”
“The king/queen of corny jokes”
“The ultimate hype-man/hype-woman”
“The meme connoisseur”
“The pun master”
“The Walking Gif”
“The emoji champion”
“The Selfie King/Queen”
“The drama queen/king”
“The Travel Bug”
“The Fitness Freak”
“The Music Maniac”
Related: Best Friendly Insults Ever in 2023
Funny Situational Quotes to Use When Talking to Your Friend
He has Van Gogh’s ear for music. – Billy Wilder
Prince Charles’s ears are so big; he could hang-glide over the Falklands! – Joan Rivers
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific! – Lily Tomlin
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it. – Moses Hadas
I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial. – Irvin S. Cobb
He has delusions of adequacy. – Walter Kerr
His execution? I’m all for it. – Calvin Coolidge (about a singer’s musical performance)
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think. – Milton Berle
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. – Mae West
If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. – Margaret Thatcher
# I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend if you have one. – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill,
Cannot possibly attend the first night, will attend second… if there is one. – Winston Churchill to Bernard Shaw
# He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. – William Faulkner speaking about Ernest Hemingway.
Does he really think big emotions come from big words? – Ernest Hemingway, in response to William Faulkner
# Woman: If you were my husband, sir, I’d give you a dose of poison!
Man: If I were your husband, I’d take it.
We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, the marriage lasted four and a half years. – Nick Faldo
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. – Unknown
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. – King Edward VIII
Funny Nicknames for Friends as per the Characteristic
This is as it is collected from the blog Humoropedia.
Snail. He’s your laziest friend.
Coma. He’s your most boring friend.
Chipmunk. He’s your shortest friend.
Businessman. He’s your friend who’s always busy on the phone.
Flame brain. He’s your most short-tempered friend.
Rabbit. He’s your fastest but proudest friend.
Minion. He’s your friend who’s too quick to obey someone.
Slim Jim. He’s skinnier than anyone else you know.
Mr Meow. He loves cats too much.
Yawner. He wants to take a nap all the time.
Ironed. He always wears iron pressed clothes.
Mister Pokemon. He’s your dorkiest friend.
Low signals. He never understands any jokes.
Fooly. He’s easily fooled.
Chaired. He always wants to lead but rarely succeeds at that.
Timebomb. He always bursts out in anger.
Sleepy Eyes. He always looks sleepy.
Book Zombie. He’s your friend who often prefers to read a book instead of going out.
Jarganotor. He’s using too much jargon.
Wikileaks. He can’t keep a secret.
Sir Google. Whatever you ask him, he tells you to Google it.
Barbarians. He’s your least civilized friend with the worst hygiene.
Chatterbox. He’s your friend who can’t stop talking.
Sweetie-poop. She’s sweet like the perfect poop.
Cutie-poop. She’s cute but not quite as perfect as the perfect poop.
Light from my butt. Don’t you think the light from your butt is super-cute?
Poop-face. If poop can be cute, then the face can be cute like poop.
Peanut-poop. She’s cute like a peanut but she also poops quite a lot.
Crazy kitty. She’s cute like the kitten but she’s also scratchy like a bitchy cat.
Poop-babe. She’s cute but she smells. Maybe she should take a professional wiping class.
Miss Sweetie Butt-Head. Her butt is too sweet for human words but she’s a little butt-headed.
Punny-Bunnie. This cute insulting nickname has a double meaning. First, it can be someone who uses puns too much. Second, it can be someone who’s both punny and poopy.
Funny Humiliating Insults for Friends
I found this funny humiliating insult to one of your best friends taken from Pun Me.
No, I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
It’s better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
I guess you prove that even god makes mistakes sometimes.
The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.
You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.
I’m jealous of people that don’t know you!
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
You’re so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.
If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.
Brains aren’t everything. In your case they’re nothing.
I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, you’re in the way.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
You, sir, are an oxygen thief!
Some babies were dropped on their heads but you were clearly thrown at a wall.
Why don’t you go play in traffic?
Please shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.
I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
Insults to Call Your Friends Funny and Humiliating
Stop trying to be a smart ass, you’re just an ass.
The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
You have Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
If ugly were a crime, you’d get a life sentence.
Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime.
I can lose weight, but you’ll always be ugly.
Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable… like a coma.
Shock me, say something intelligent.
If your gonna be two faced, honey at least make one of them pretty.
Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you’ll find a brain back there.
You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
Don’t like my sarcasm, well I don’t like your stupidity.
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
Frequently Asked Questions
#1. What to say when someone insults you?
The following strategies may help you to respond in a very positive manner to a friend who insults you in a funny manner.
- Remain composed: When someone insults you, it can be tempting to become defensive and angry, but strive to maintain your composure. This will make it more difficult for the other person to provoke you and allow you some time to consider your next move.
- Be assertive: Declare whether the remark was painful or unacceptable while standing up for yourself. You might use wording like, “That sort of language doesn’t sit well with me. It’s hurtful and insulting.” or “I would prefer that you avoid making such remarks.”
- Identify the root of the problem: When someone is angry or disappointed about something else, they may turn to insults. If you can, try to identify the underlying problem and resolve it.
- Ignore: Ignoring an insult is sometimes the best response. When we treat an insult with little regard, we deprive it of power and the person employing it of control.
- Use humour: When someone is insulting you, it’s occasionally possible to defuse the situation by being humorous. The other person may realise how absurd their comment was and retract it if you can make the insult into a comedy.
- Seeking Support: If someone is insulting you and you don’t feel secure or respected in this scenario, it may be helpful to seek support from a dependable friend, relative, or counselor.
It’s critical to keep in mind that you have a right to respect and compassion and that it’s unacceptable for someone to use cruel or offensive language while speaking to you. Setting limits and responding to insults in an assertive manner are acceptable. It’s also crucial to remember that not everyone will agree with you or like you, and that’s great; you don’t have to win everyone over.
#2. How do you ignore an insult?
- Realizing the insult is not directed at you: It’s important to keep in mind that the person who is insulting you can be going through a difficult time in their own life and that their attack is more about them than it is about you.
- Try to distance yourself from the insult and realize that the other person’s remarks do not define you; don’t take it personally.
- Avoid dwelling on it: If you catch yourself thinking about the insult, attempt to divert your attention by engaging in something you enjoy doing or concentrating on something constructive.
- Practice mindfulness: You can learn to monitor your thoughts and feelings without becoming sucked into them by using mindfulness techniques. This can assist you in avoiding an emotional response to an insult.
- Give it no power: When you don’t reply to an insult and choose to ignore it, you deprive it of its ability to hurt you. Giving an insult attention will give it the strength and significance it was intended to have.Create a pleasant environment for yourself by enlisting the help of upbeat and supportive friends and family. These people will assist you in recognizing your positive attributes and in letting go of others’ disparaging remarks.
- Build Self-Esteem and Confidence: Having a strong sense of self-worth is one of the finest strategies for ignoring an insult. When you are confident in yourself, it is much simpler to ignore criticism from others.
It’s crucial to keep in mind that developing the capacity to overlook insults takes time and practice. Keep in mind that everyone has bad days, and it’s conceivable that the person insulting you isn’t intentionally attempting to hurt you—rather, they’re just having trouble managing their own emotions. It’s still acceptable to set boundaries in these circumstances, just do so without being as aggressive.
A pleasant and amusing method to joke about with your buddies is to phone them with witty insults. It’s crucial to keep in mind, however, that these insults should never be used to mock or harm someone’s feelings. Instead, they ought to be employed as a means of cheering up people and cementing friendships. When employed properly, hilarious insults may be a playful and enjoyable method to express your friendship and love for your pals.