Whether it is food delivery puns or package delivery jokes. We all love to read, listen and tell jokes all the time. Food Delivery Puns and Jokes are ready to read at your doorstep.
A friend of mine lost his job as a courier driver. Reason: He just wasn’t delivering the goods.
A man and his wife go into the delivery room to give birth. The doctor says, “we have this new machine, where by the flip of a switch, the father can bear some of the pain to ease the mother. Want to try?” Every supportive husband says “sure.” So, the doctor sets it to 10% and asks the husband how he feels. “Fine. You can turn it up.” Surprised, the doctor goes to 20%. “More. This is easy” Soon enough, the doctor goes to 30%, then 40, 50, 60, all the way to 100%. “I’ve never gone past the 25% mark” says the doctor. The wife delivers without much pain, and out comes a healthy baby. They stay in the hospital overnight and then go home the next day. When they got home, they found the milkman dead on the porch.
Once I told a joke to my wife as she was in labor. I thought I did a good job telling the joke but she told me to focus on the delivery.
My wife tried to order contact-less delivery. But I guess that’s not how having a baby works.
What does an ambulance and a pizza delivery driver have in common?” If either of them shows up late the delivery goes cold.
9. Cinco De Mayo
All Time Best Food Delivery Puns
A pregnant lady visits her doctor for a check-up: Doctor: Do you wish for the baby’s father to be present during the delivery? Lady: NO, my husband already doubts him a lot.
Being a pizza delivery person and a comedian is hard work. You have the right stuff, but sometimes you get the delivery wrong. BTW, they fired me from my pizza delivery job.
A delivery man who couldn’t get his wife pregnant said his package came in the mail His package should have come in the female.
Just heard that there will be a round of applause for couriers and delivery drivers tomorrow. It will be some time between 9am and 5pm.
Why is 2020 pizza delivery like my ex-girlfriend?” They both do no-contact orders!
Had a night out with a group of Wagon Wheel delivery drivers. They really take the biscuit.
In light of the pandemic, we will no longer use the term “immaculate conception”… It is being updated to “contactless delivery.”
I don’t always joke about stillborn Greek gods… …but when I do, it’s all about dead pan delivery.
At the start of the wedding party the organizer announced that they had ordered a whole pig, but something went wrong with the delivery and the pig would be late/not coming. One guest said: “I hope this will be the last time in this relationship that someone says “what is taking that pig so long?”
All Time Best Jokes
A friend wants to give up being a postman to become a comedian, but his delivery is awful.
Wish I got to see my mate Bill more often. He works for a delivery company, so only calls round when I’m out.
I just ordered a new font to be delivered. I think it’s coming by courier.
I’m a delivery person for Kohler. I often spend hours a day on doorsteps and in lobbies waiting for people to accept their deliveries.
What does a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist see every day? The yeasty crust.
A woman pregnant with twins went into labor suddenly, and fell unconscious during the delivery. The hospital contacted the father and he arrived quickly, just in time to witness the birth of his children. His wife had not woken up yet, when the hospital staff asked the father, what to name his new son and daughter? They had tried for months to decide on the perfect names, but couldn’t reach an agreement, so he did the best he could. When the mother regained consciousness, the father let her know what had happened, and that he had named their twins. “What did you name our son?” She asked him. “Mason.” “Oh,” she replied, “Not really what I had in mind, but it’s a good name. What did you name our daughter?” “Madaughter”
Popular Delivery Puns
I followed a van down the motorway that was delivering newspapers. I like to keep up with the times.
For sale: Midwife textbooks. (Can deliver)
Saw an advert for an Adam and the Ants music book, and they threw in a free stand and delivered it.
A delivery guy turns up at the office the other day with a big roll of bubble wrap. “Where do you want this, sir?” Without thinking I replied, “Just pop it in the corner.”Took him three hours.Badoom tish.
Food Delivery Puns To Enjoy The Day.
I ordered Chinese food yesterday. Small Chinese delivery driver came to the door, so I walked out to meet him.
He started shouting “isolate, isolate.” I said no you’re not, I only ordered 25 minutes ago!
Saw an advert for an Adam and the Ants music book, and they throw in a free stand and deliver.
UPS delivery girl: About 15 minutes ago, a UPS delivery girl came up to the door, saying that my dad has a huge package. I told my mom, and she’s upset.
Amazon says drones will be making deliveries in ‘months’. So much for next day delivery.
Funny Food Delivery Puns
Did you hear about the livestock delivery service? They… Sorry, I’ve butchered the delivery
Had to deliver a giant roll of bubble wrap, the chap said “pop it in the corner”. Took me three hours.
A FedEx driver, UPS driver, and USPS driver walk into a bar… Never mind, you won’t get the delivery from the FedEx driver. I’ve been hired to research vehicles for Scott Van Pelt’s new fur delivery company. My business card reads “Scott Van Pelt Pelt Van Scout”
What do you call the cat mail delivery service? UPSpspspsps
A friend had bred a messenger pigeon with a woodpecker. Not only does it deliver a message, it knocks on the door when it gets there.
A delivery man is carrying a box to a house when, suddenly, he drops it: “Ups!”
A delivery man gets a part time job as a magician…(OC). He tells a random person “Pick a card any card!”
Can’t catch a break as a delivery driver for an Indian restaurant…
I’ve been working naan stop.
I was shipping comedians across the country but it took too long.
Bad Timing But Great Delivery
Where do dads learn how to tell their jokes? In the delivery room.
Hooters should start a delivery service called Knockers.
Gynecologists and midwives are good at telling jokes. It’s all about the delivery.
So, I saw a funeral service driving behind an old couple the other day. Talk about same day delivery
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him “How come there’s no charge?” He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”
Did you hear about the delivery driver for the local bakery that had 6 extra eyes located all around his head?
He’s seen some weird things man, but this guy takes the cake.
Read Twice To Get The Feel
Why would Jeff Bezos’ career in standup comedy be a success? He’s already mastered delivery.
I’m starting a Shakespearean delivery company. We aim to deliver your parcel tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.
My wife and I just had our first child. A man ran into the delivery room and stole our child’s umbilical cord. The search lasted for days. We thought there was no hope in finding the cord. A few days later we were advised that the man and the cord were found. He was hiding on a navel base.
Do you know which app is the best fit to be used in the delivery room? Discord!
[NSFW] A nurse was dating a doctor and got pregnant… The married doctor begged her to keep it a secret and asked her to keep away from the public eye. Nine months later,she came to the hospital for delivery. At the same moment, a priest was admitted for having a large cyst in his prostate gland. The doctor had an idea. He sedates the priest under anesthesia and removes the cyst . When the priest wakes up, the doctor greets him with the baby and tells him that it was a miracle that they found a baby in his prostrate. The priest being a god fearing man didn’t question it and took the baby home. 15 years later,after the baby had grown into a young boy, the priest decided to have a chat with him. “Tell me, father,” asked the boy. “Look, son. I’m your mother ” said the priest ” the archbishop is your father”.
Any Joke Can Be Funny If Delivered Perfectly
Except Abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
I think it was a mistake to call childbirth “delivery”. It should have been called “takeout” instead.
For delivery man Job: When I got to my first address there was a little sticky note left on the door saying, “Dear Mr delivery man, we’re out, please hide in the garage.” That was eight hours ago and still nobody’s found me…
I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural (or any pain meds at all). I asked if the tattoo was the reason, and the anesthesiologist said “no, it’s because your wife is the one giving birth, not you, sir.”
I recently ordered one piece of sodium and one piece of copper. When the delivery guy showed up, I noticed that he was only holding the sodium. I asked him, “Did you have the copper with you?” He replied, “Na right now, Cu later.”
Monkey To The Zoo
A British man was delivering a monkey to a zoo when his van broke down… He rang the repair company but they told him they won’t be out to him for another four hours. He began to panic because the monkey had to be delivered in an hour or he wasn’t getting paid. Not two minutes went by before an Irish man was driving by and pulled over to see if the British man needed help. “Thank god, I’m glad to see you” said the British Man “Here’s 50 pounds, I have a monkey in the back that needs to go to the zoo. Bring him for me please!” “No bother at all mate,” said the Irishman as he put the monkey in the back of his van. Two hours went by and the British man is still waiting for the repair company, when he saw the Irish man driving by with the monkey in the passenger seat eating a Ice Cream. Furious, he waved down the van. “Oi Paddy, I told you to bring that monkey to the zoo ! I paid you as well, what do you think you’re doing ?!” “I did,” replied the Irishman, “We had a lovely time and I had left money left over so I’m bringing him to the cinema now”
Don’t know what was wrong with the delivery driver this morning: He was all smiles until I signed his touch screen thing, then he got all shouty and mad. I was so scared I dropped my sharpie and just closed the door.
Cinco De Mayo
Cinco de Mayo and the Titanic. Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico , which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York .. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico .. But, as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York . The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico , who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as – Sinko De Mayo.