Dad Jokss are the Best Dad Jokes 2023 collection. These are terrible dad jokes which will make you laugh in any situation. The types of jokes covered in this article are silly, bad, great and funny.
Dads have always been the butt of jokes, but it seems like this year, they’re going to take the crown for being the kings of bad jokes. We can’t help but think that this is going to be the year of cringe-worthy dad jokes.
But don’t worry – we’re here to help you get prepared. In this article, we’re going to give you some tips on how to deal with dad jokes in 2021, and how to make sure that you don’t end up being the butt of the joke.
Why Use Dad Jokes in Your Content?
Humor is one of the most effective ways to connect with your reader. But not all jokes are created equal. Dad jokes are a great choice for all the age group of readers because they’re funny, but not too funny.
Which rock group has four men who don’t sing?
My boss told me to have a good day!
So I went home!
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
I just found out I’m colorblind.
The news came out of purple!
I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
Wanna hear a joke about the paper?
Never mind. It’s tearable.
I used to be addicted to the hockey-pokey until I turned myself around.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
Really Bad Dad Jokes 2023
What happened when the ten-year-old cannibal spilled his soup?
His mother gave him an earful.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up.
I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm?
You look for fresh prints.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I’ll let you know.
I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she just called to cancel.
She said I won’t be able to make it.
I wanted my kids to watch the orchestra, but I had to turn it off.
Too much sax and violins.
A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. I asked him why and he said,
“It’s a moving violation.”
Swords will never go obsolete.
They’re cutting edge technology.
Funny Dad Jokss
I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?”
He said, “I tell her about my job.”
Do you know how many people are dead at a cemetery?
All of them.
“I’ll call you later.”
Don’t call me later, call me Dad.
If the early bird gets the worm.
I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
“Did you get your haircut?”
No, I got them all cut.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” he said.
“I never knew my real ladder.”
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
What’s a sea monster’s favorite lunch?
Fish and ships.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, houses can’t jump.
Why are pigs so bad at sports?
They always hog the ball.
Why shouldn’t you tell an egg a joke?
It’ll crack up.
What’s a foot long and slippery?
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes?
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
How does a penguin build a house?
I gloss it together.
Why is no one friends with Dracula?
He’s a pain in the neck.
Where do you learn all about ice cream?
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke.
But you didn’t like it.
How do you deal with the fear of speed bumps?
You slowly get over it.
I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let you know.
I’m reading an anti-gravity book.
I can’t put it down!
I ate a clock the other day.
It was very time consuming.
Great Dad Jokes 2021
I have a clean conscious
It’s never been used.
I once wrote a song about a tortilla,
but it’s more of a wrap.
You can tell it’s a dogwood tree. How?
from its bark.
When does a joke turn into a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions.
What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of the computer?
The Space Bar.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.”
So we stopped playing chess.
Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
She had bad blood.
I hate it when people say age is only a number.
Age is clearly a word.
Dear Math, it’s time to grow up and solve your own problems.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet
I don’t know y.
I just don’t trust stairs.
They’re always up to something.
I used to play piano by ear.
But now I use my hands.
How does cereal pay its bills?
Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
What concert would cost only 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
Bad Dad Joks
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired!
Wanna hear a joke about construction?
I’m still workin’ on it!
My dad died because he couldn’t remember his blood type.
He kept insisting we “be positive,” but it’s just so hard without him.
I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants.
But he’s still making fun of me.
I wasn’t close to my father when he died.
Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Can I dive in this pool?
What did the buffalo say to its son when he left?
Why do vampires always seem sick?
What musical instrument do you find in the bathroom?
Which state has the most streets?
How do astronomers organize a party?
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
Why do melons have weddings?
What did the police officer say to her belly button?
You’re under a vest!
What do you call a fibbing cat?
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business.
If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Best Dad Jokss
Did you hear about the outlet who got in a fight with the power cord?
He thought he could socket him.
What do you call a fancy fish?
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
What kind of cars do eggs drive?
Where do math teachers go on vacation?
Why was the stadium so hot after the game?
Because all the fans left.
Stop looking for the perfect match;
Use a lighter.
Can February March?
No, but April May!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate nine!
I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore.
Because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
I used to run a dating service for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet.
I’m so good at sleeping that I do it with my eyes closed.
It really takes guts to be an organ donor.
Funny Dad Joks
What do you call a beehive without an exit?
What did the plumber say to the singer?
I’d avoid sushi if I were you.
It’s a little fishy!
What state is known for its small drinks?
What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
What do houses wear?
What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day?
It was loaf at first sight.
What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear?
What did the ocean say to the beach?
nothing, it just waved.
What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum?
He has a meltdown
What does a baby computer call his father?
If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?
RIP boiling water, you will mist.
I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but she said it’s just a bug that’s going around.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?
Best Dad Joks
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble.
In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
If I ever find a doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.”
I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
It’s easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents.
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.
Only a fraction of people will understand this.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Stupid Dad Jokes 2023
If prisoners could take their own mug shots…They’d be called cellfies.
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
I talk to myself.
Because sometimes I just need expert advice.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.” “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You’ll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
What do you call a bundle of hay in a church?
The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines but cats can.
A witch’s vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom!
I’m worried for the calendar.
Because its days are numbered.
What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow?
A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean.
Both crews were marooned.
Good Dad Joks
What is a guitar player’s favorite Italian food?
What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn’t a dad?
A faux pa.
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.”
“Cop: I’m arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia.”
Man: “Wait! I can explain everything!”
My friend couldn’t afford to pay his bill.
so I sent him a “Get Well Soon” card.
I’m Buzz Aldrin, the second man to step on the moon.
Neil before me.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight and 2021.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.
I’m addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need help.
In 2017 I didn’t do a marathon. I didn’t do one in 2018, 2019, or 2020, either. This is a running joke.
Not to brag, but I made six figures last year. I was also named the worst employee at the toy factory.
Ever since we started quarantining,
I’ve only been telling inside jokes.
If you’re feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep.
It’ll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill.
“Sure,” I said. “My door is always open.”
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked if it was to scale.
“No,” I said. “It’s to look at.”
Sarcastic Quotes about Bad Fathers
What has five toes and isn’t your foot?
My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography.
I don’t believe him, but that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
What’s brown and sticky?
My doctor told me I was going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
A century ago, two brothers decided it was possible to fly.
And as you can see, they were Wright.
I’m reading a horror story in Braille.
Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.
During my calculus test, I had to sit between identical twins. It was hard to differentiate between them.
If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.
I hate Velcro.
It’s a rip off.
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
When I die, I want to be cremated.
It’s my last chance to have a smokin’ hot body.
“Just say NO to drugs!”
Well, if I’m talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
Hilarious Dad Jokes 2023
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
How come the Hulk doesn’t lose his pants when he transforms?
The experiment altered his jeans.
I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I just spent $300 on a limo and learned it doesn’t come with a driver.
I can’t believe I have nothing to chauffer it.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
I have a joke about trickle down economics.
But 99% of you will never get it.
Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform under pressure.
I said I wasn’t too sure about that, but I could do a wicked “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
A buddy asked how many fish I caught?
I told him it’s not polite to fish and tell.
The Worst Dad Jokes 2023
How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb?
The answer will shock you!
How do you make a water bed bouncier?
Add spring water.
I always knock on the fridge door before opening it.
Just in case there’s a salad dressing.
I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn’t work out.
Turns out, good players are hard to find.
What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toads.
Lance isn’t that common a name these days, but in medieval times, they were called lance-a-lot.
Try a seafood diet.
You see food, then you eat it.
What do you call a pencil with two erasers?
Did you hear the one about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What’s brown and sticky?
New Dad Jokes 2023
I hated facial hair but then it grew on me.
What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath?
What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.
My dad was born a conjoined twin, but separated at birth. I have an uncle, once removed.
I went to a smoke shop only to discover it’d been replaced by an apparel store. Clothes, but no cigars.
My grief counselor died the other day.
He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
A private tutor.
Insane Dad Jokes
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
“Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero. But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get called.
I have a fish that can breakdance. Only for ten seconds though, and only once.
My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic.
In my free time, I like to help blind people. Verb, not adjective.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?”
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”
I like to spend my weekends playing chess with elderly men in the park. But it’s becoming more difficult. You try finding exactly32 old guys.
What do you call bears with no ears?
What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
I heard Sony’s coming out with a new console during the pandemic…It’s called the Plaguestation 5.
When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
Top Dad Jokes 2023
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique guns collection.
She denies it but I’m sticking to my guns.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants since March.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
After dinner my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it.
My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.
My wife told me she didn’t understand cloning. I told her, “That makes two of us.”
Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.
Sassy Dad Jokes
My wife gave me an ultimatum: Her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was a piece of cake.
I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife bickering between songs.
I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.
My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I posted on Facebook, “I’m getting a divorce,” she was the first one to like it.
My wife told me to quit doing my terrible Arnold impression, but don’t worry, I’ll return.
“Just look at that couple down the road,” a wife told her husband. “He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, and holding the door for her. Why can’t you do that?” “Are you insane?” he responded. “I barely know the woman!”
Awful Dad Jokes 2023
I was sitting on the back porch with my wife when I suddenly blurted out, “I love you.” “Is that you or the beer talking?” she asked. I answered, “It’s me… talking to my beer.”
“Siri,” I asked my phone, “why am I so bad with women?” She responded, “I’m Bixby, you moron.”
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. “She obviously has COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. “Because she has no taste.”
Marriage involves three rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring.
“Your wife and daughter look like twins,” my friend said. “Well,” I replied, “they were separated at birth.”
One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” “If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. “I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.”
Cringe Dad Jokes 2023
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my eighteen brothers and sisters but they didn’t have any idea either.
My parents raised me as an only child. Which really annoyed my younger brother.
My wife and I have decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty badly.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games.
A dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace. ”
“Oh yeah?” son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”
Funniest Dad Jokes 2023
A father tells his son that he was adopted. “I want to meet my biological parents,” the son demands. “We are your biological parents,” the father responds. “Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.”
My daughter just shrieked at me, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” What an odd way to begin a conversation.
I have a great joke about nepotism. But I’ll only tell it to my kids.
Spring is here! I got so excited that I wet my plants.
I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.
I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa!
A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
Dad’s Joke on Parents
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
How does a lawyer say goodbye? I’ll be suing ya!
You can’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
What made the tomato blush? I saw the salad dressing.
“What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”