267 Pirate Jokes to Steal the Treasures of Laughter and Giggles

Pirate jokes: On 19th September every year thousands of people behave like a black beared pirate for the day. Pirates are the high end villians of the sea from ancient times. They looted the precious treasures from the overseas merchants. Kids love to hear stories about pirates. Let’s see whether laughing therapy works for you. Kids also love bad dad jokes.

Pirate Jokes

#1. Why did the pirate go to college?

To become an arrrrrchitect!

#2. Why does the pirate carry his sword?

Because swords can’t walk

#3. What did the pirate say to his girlfriend?

You are perfect just the way you Arrrrr!

#4. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?

Swordfish

Pirate Jokes

#5. What do you call a pirate with three eyes?

Piiirate!

#6. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?

Because he was standing on the deck.

#7. Why are maths teachers secretly pirates?

Because they’re always trying to find X!

#8. What has 12 legs, 12 arms, and 12 eyes?

A dozen pirates

#9. Which Star Wars character do pirates like the most?

Aarrrrggh-2-D-2

#10. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?

Because he was sitting on the deck!

#11. What do you call a pirate’s painting?

Pirate’s painted piracy!

#12. What is a pirate’s favorite doll?

Baaaaarrrrrrbie!

#13. Which famous pirate was always sad?

Captain Blue-Beard

#14. How did the pirate stop computer hackers?

He installed a patch.

#15. What do you call a foolish pirate?

The pillage fool

#16. What are a pirate’s favorite letters?

Arrrr (R) and C (sea)

#17. What did the pirate get when he crossed a cat with a parrot?

A carrot!

#18. Where do pirates go for a drink?

At the sandbar

#19. What did the pirate say when he quit his job?

Sorry Captain, me heartys just not in it anymore!

#20. What do you call 3.14 men out at sea?

‘Pi’-rates!

#21. Why was the sailor banned from blockbusters?

For buying pirated DVD’s!

#22. What is a pirate’s least favorite cardio exercise?

Planking!

#23. What is it called when a pirate sets his own ship on fire?

Argh-son!

#24. What do pirates fear even more than walking down the plank?

Walking down the aisle!

#25. Why didn’t the pirate go to the movies?

Since it was rated Aaaargh.

#26. What type of socks do pirates wear?

Arrrrgyle!

#27. Why did the pirate give up playing golf?

Because he kept hooking the ball!

#28. What bank is a pirate’s favorite bank?

The sandbank

#29. What do pirates order at Italian restaurants?

Chicken Parrrrrmesan with spaghetti

#30. Why did the shipwrecked pirate call his friend?

Because he trusted his friend-ship.

#31. Which Halloween candy do pirates like the most?

Sweet Tarrrrrts.

#32. Why do Pirates cry on their own?

Because they have private tears

#33. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?

Captain Hooky!

#34. Why don’t pirates go trick-or-treating on Halloween?

They arrrrr afraid of witches.

#35. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of food?

BARRRR-B-Q!

#36. What did the pirate say to the sumo wrestler?

You sure arrrrr fat.

#37. What did the pirate get when he crossed a centipede and a parrot?

A walkie-talkie!

#38. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?

A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.

#39. Who was the first pirate?

Noah, the builder of the Arrrrk.

#40. Why was the pirate digging at the beach?

To bury the hatchet!

#41. Why were the pirates friends with Donkey Kong?

Because he was a barrrrel of fun

#42. Where do pirates put their trash?

The Garrrrrbage can

#43. What did the pirate say when he made a mistake?

To arrrr is pirate

#44. What’s orange and sounds like a pirate’s parrot?

A carrot!

#45. What happens when one pirate sees another pirate?

Pira-See!

#46. What was the pirate’s girlfriend called?

Peggy!

#47. What did a pirate pay for his corn?

A buccaneer!

#48. Why do pirates make great lawyers?

Because they’re very skilled at arrrrrguing

#49. What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a song?

The hook!

Pirate Jokes for Kids

#50. Which side of a pirate’s parrot has the prettiest feathers?

The outside!

#51. Why did the pirate go to acting school?

He wanted a parrrrrt in the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

#52. What did one pirate say to the other?

“I sea you!”

Pirate Jokes for Kids

#53. What did the pirates wear on Halloween?

A pumpkin patch

#54. Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?

Right where ya left him

#55. What do you get when you cross a pirate’s parrot and a shark?

A bird that talks your ear off!

#56. Why do people find it very hard to call a pirate?

Because he always leaves his phone off the hook

#57. Which baseball team did the pirate play for?

The Pittsburgh Pirates

#58. Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high Cs!

#58. How did one pirate greet another pirate?

“Hiii-est!”

#59. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?

Swordfish

#60. What would you call a pirate with four eyes?

An iiiirate

#61. What did the pirate say when he left his wooden leg in the freezer?

Shiver me timbers!

#62. Why was the pirate ship so cheap?

It was on sail!

#63. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise?

The plank!

#64. Why couldn’t the pirate stop binge-watching the TV series?

Because he was hooked!

#65. What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?

The guitarrr!

#66. Why did the caged pirate dress up as a lawyer?

To pass through the barrrrs!

#67. What did the pirate’s first mate send down the stream?

The Captain’s log

#68. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?

Termites

#69. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?

He got marooned.

#70. What do pirates eat on cold winter nights?

Hearrrrrty stews

#71. What do you call a pirate with two arms and two legs?

A not-a-pirate!

#72. Why is pirating so addictive?

They say, “Once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.”

#73. What is a pirate’s favorite color?

Gold!

#74. Why do pirates love Thanksgiving?

They get to carrrrrve the turkey.

#75. What is a pirate’s hairstyle called?

The crew cut!

#76. How does a pirate get to the top of the building?

He takes the elevataaarrrrr!

#77. What type of apple do pirates always look for?

Jonagold!

#78. What does the captain keep up his sleeve?

His armie

#79. What do you say when a pirate steals during a storm?

Plunder and Lightning

Funny Pirate Jokes

#80. How do pirates know they exist?

They think, therefore they ARRRRRRR!!!

#81. What do pirates wear in the winter?

Long Johns!

#82. How do you turn a pirate furious?

Take away the “p.”

#83. What’s a pirates favorite part of a song?

The hook!

#84. Who gets all their movies for free?

Pirates!

#85. What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise?

The plank!

Funny Pirate Jokes

#86. Which Pokemon could also be a pirate?

Arrrrrr-bok

#87. Why can’t you take a picture of a pirate with a wooden leg?

Because a wooden leg doesn’t take pictures!

#88. On Halloween, where did all the pirates park their ships?

In the harrrrrbor!

#89. Which instrument do pirates love?

The guitaaarrrrr.

#90. What was the pirate’s parrot’s favorite game?

Hide and speak

#91. Why did the pirate cross the road?

To get to the second-hand shop

#92. Why did the pirate move to Russia?

To become a Czaaarrrrr

#93. Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?

Because booty is only shin deep!

#94. What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?

Robin Hook!

#95. What do you call a stupid pirate?

The pillage idiot!

#96. Why couldn’t the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck!

#97. How do pirates like to cook their steaks?

On a BAAAARRRRRBECUE!

#98. What happens if you take the p out of a pirate?

He becomes irate!

#99. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

#100. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?

An arm and a leg.

#101. Why is pirating so addictive?

They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.

#102. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?

You’d think it would be arrr, but it’s actually the C!

#103. What’s a pirate’s least favorite veggie?

Leeks!

#104. I have never heard any funny pirate jokes, have you?

Well, neither have ayyyeee.

#105. What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise?

The plank!

#106. What was the pirate’s favorite food?

Arrrrrtichokes!

#107. What shivers at the bottom of the ocean?

A nervous wreck

#108. What’s a pirate’s favorite Halloween noise maker?

A parrrrty popper!

#109. Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?

He needed a new ipatch.

#110. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they can spend years at C!

#111. How did the pirate find out he needed glasses?

He took an aye exam!

#112. What’s a pirates favorite type of music?

Rum & Bass!

#113. What did the pirates wear on Halloween?

A pumpkin patch.

#114. Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they arrrrr!

#115. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer?

Shiver me timbers!

#116. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?

A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.

#117. What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian?

Aye matey years old!

#118. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?

8 pirates.

#119. How much does it cost for a Pirate to get his ears pierced?

“Bout a Buccaneerrrrr( buck an ear)

#120. What did the first mate see down the toilet?

Captains log!

#121. Why’d the pirate go to the Apple store?

He needed a new ipatch.

#122. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?

RRRRRR!

#123. Why did the pirate buy an eye patch?

Because he couldn’t afford an iPad!

#124. What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?

A rookie.

#125. Why did the pirate cross the road?

To get to the second-hand shop.

#126. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?

Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.

#127. What’s a pirates favorite fish dish?

Pieces of skate!

#128. What does a dyslexic pirate say? 

RRRRRRA!

#129. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?

Captain Hooky!

#130. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?

He bought it on sail.

Best Pirate Jokes

#131. How much does a pirate pay for his piercings?

A buck-an-ear

#132. Why did the pirate like playing golf?

He was always under parrrrr.

Best Pirate Jokes

A Garrrrr-nish

#134. What is a pirate’s favorite doll?

BAAAAARRRRBIE!

#135. What did the ocean say to the pirate?

Nothing, it just waved.

#136. How do pirates prefer to communicate?

Aye to aye!

#137. Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?

Right where ye left him.

#138. Why couldn’t the 12-year-old see a pirate movie?

It was rated RRRRRR.

#139. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?

Because they already have all the booty!

#140. What did the pirate say during the winter storm?

Thar she snows!

#141. What are pirates afraid of?

The darrrrrk!

#142. What’s a pirate’s favorite basketball move?

The hook shot

#143. What do pirates do on Black Friday?

Shop the sails

#144. Why does it take the pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C

#145. Where do Pirates get their wooden legs from?

From a Carrrrrpenter!

Pirate Jokes For Adults

#146. Why did the pirate pull out of the stock market?

Because he was in shark-invested waters!

#147. Doctor Doctor, why do I feel like everyone keeps talking to me like a pirate?

Because they argh!

#148. How come only the pirate with the eyepatch was able to make it to shore?

Because it was one island!

#149. What do you get if you cross a pirate and a tropical fruit?

Bandana!

#150. What did the pirate penguin say to the parrot?

Nothing – penguins don’t speak parrot!

#151. Which subjects does a pirate enjoy the most in school?

He enjoys ‘Aaarrrrttt’.

#152. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?

One has a rumbling tummy and the other a tumbling rummy.

With C P ARRRRR.

#154. Why didn’t the pirate get hungry on the desert island?

Because of the sand-which is there!

#155. What does a pirate eat for breakfast?

Captain Crunch

#156. Why did one pirate push the other one overboard?

Because they got into an arrgh-ument!

#157. What do you call a pirate that’s very close by?

Buccanear!

#158. Why were there no painkillers left on the pirate ship?

Because the parrots-ate-emol!

#159. What did the sea-police say when they arrested the pirate?

You’re under a chest!

#160. Why did the kid pirate get kicked out of class?

Because he wouldn’t stop talking about his booty!

#161. Knock Knock

Knock Knock

Whose there?

Whose there?

Oh no, this is a parrot again, isn’t it?

#162. How come the pirate found it easy to recite the tongue twister: “Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese”?

Because he was used to the Seven C’s!

#163. Why does the Captain sail a ship?

Because he let his car-go!

#164. Why can’t the pirates fire their weapons on Saturdays?

Because they only cannon Sundays!

#165. Why were the kids so restless in pirating class?

Because they were overbored!

#166. If a farmer has a cabbage patch, what does a pirate have?

An eye patch!

#167. Why did the alcoholic pirate stop drinking?

Because he’d rum out!

#168. What did the sailor say when he boarded a plane instead of a ship?

Good afternoon, this is your pirate speaking!

#169. Where do kid pirates like to go for fun?

To the arrgh-cade!

#170. Why did the pirates decide to build an eco-friendly ship?

Because they were tired of pollooting!

#171. What do you call a pirate crew that’s been sponsored by Heinz?

Pirates of the Caribakedbean!

#172. Why do doctors hate operating on pirates?

Because they have crossed bones!

#173. Why did the pirate have to get a wooden leg?

Because he had such bad arghthritis!

#174. What do you call the happiest pirate around?

Jolly Rodgers!

#175. What did the pirate go on to do after he quit the job?

Become an arghchitect!

Bad Pirate Jokes

#176. Why couldn’t the bullet leave the pirate’s gun?

Because it got stuck in a barrel!

#177. What is a pirate’s favorite vegetable?

Arghtichokes!

#178. What’s a pirate’s favorite bird?

Jack Sparrow!

#179. What do you get if you cross a pirate and a sea creature?

A sword-fish!

#180. Knock knock

Whose there?

Wooden

Wooden leg?

No, wooden you let me in already!

#181. Where do pirate children go to learn?

Skull!

#182. What do you call the pirate Rolling Stones tribute act?

Mick Dagger!

#183. What’s the best secretariat job to have on a pirate ship?

The treasurer!

#184. Why did I fall in love with a pirate?

Because he stole my heart!

#185. What do you call a pirate couple?

Peggy & Robbin’!

#186. What website do pirates use to sell their homemade crafts?

Atsy!

#187. What drink do pirates prefer even more than rum?

Port!

#189. Why did none of the pirates like the Captain?

Because he was too stern!

#190. What’s a pirate’s favorite board game?

Aches and Ladders!

#191. What do you call an angry Captain?

P-irate!

#192. What does Santa pirate say at christmas?

Yo ho ho!

#193. Doctor doctor, I feel like a pir-ate!

No, you feel like you ate-pie!

#194. What’s a pirate’s favorite camera brand?

Cannon!

#195. What would make pirates a more challenging opponent in a battle!

Arghmour!

#196. How many pirates does it take to change a lightbulb?

Pi-reight!

#197. What is even scarier for pirates than sharks?

Plank-ton!

#198. Three pirates walk into a cinema.

Sorry, we don’t allow pirating here!

#199. Why did the pirates have the shots for the mermaid?

Because she’s-curvy!

#200. How do Pirates navigate their way around the seas?

By using Glug-le Maps!

#201. Knock knock

Whose there?

A

A-who?

No, it’s Ahoy!

#202. Why couldn’t the pirate give up his gold addiction?

Because he was hooked!

#203. Why did the pirate raise a flag with HR?

Because the Captain docked his pay!

#204. Why was the pirate so nervous to get into a relation-ship?

Because he didn’t know what it would en-compass!

#205. How do pirates weigh the anchor?

Using fish scales!

#206. What do you call the pirate that the crew hang their clean washing on?

Peg-leg!

Pirate Jokes Funny

#207. How do the pirates know that they are pirates?

They think so, therefore they ARRRR!

#208. What kind of ship do pirates find hard to maintain?

Relationship!

#209. How do pirates prefer to communicate?

Aye to aye! (Eye to eye)

#210. What’s even more valuable than a television for pirates?

A telescope!

#211. Why did the female pirate escape below deck?

Because she had a ladder in her tights!

#212. Where’s the only part of a pirate ship that parrots aren’t welcome?

The crow’s nest!

#213. What is a sailor’s favorite martial art?

Pir-até!

#214. Some people say there’s no future for pirates…

But they must not have heard of arghtificial intelligence!

#215. Where do pirates park their ships?

In the harrrrrrbor

Because they will just wash up on the shore later

#217. Where do pirates go for the bathroom?

The poop-deck!

#218. Why did the pirate go for a vacation?

He needed a little arrr and arrr.

#219. What grades did the pirates get in school?

High Cs

#220. What did the pirate get when he hit the skeleton?

The skull and the CROSS bones!

#221. What would you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?

A rookie

#222. What’s a pirate’s favorite country?

AAARRRGHentina!

#223. What did the pirate do the day before Halloween?

Mow his front yarrrrrd!

#224. Which gym did the pirates visit?

The Gold’s Gym

The barrrrrrnacles

#226. What did the pirate say when his leg got stuck in the freezer?

“Shiver me timber!”

#227. How does a pirate, who wears a patch, say “Yes” to the captain?

“Eye Eye, captain.”

#228. Which restaurant do pirates love the most?

The Harrrrrrd Rock Cafe

Because iPads arrrrr are too expensive!

#230. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap?

He bought it on sail.

#231. What was the name of the pirate’s spotted dog?

Patches

#232. Why do pirates like killing zombies so much?

They are easy tarrrrrrgets!

In his front, yarrrrrd!

#234. What soda do pirates always drink?

Arrrrrr Sea cola (RC Cola)

#235. Why do Pirates hang out in groups and drink on Halloween?

Coz they love to paarrrrrrty!

#236. How do pirates make their money?

By hook or by crook

The arrrrrrt store.

#238. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?

8 pirates

#239. What do pirates do for fun?

Have parrrrrrties

#240. What do pirates put on their toast?

Jelly Roger!

#241. What did the pirate’s parrot say when it fell in love with a duck?

Polly wants a ‘quacker’.

Obscure Pirate Jokes

#242. What do you call a pirate that skips school?

Captain Hooky?

#243. Where do pirates buy their hooks?

A second hand store!

#244. What’s a pirate’s favorite country?

Arrr-gentina!

#245. How do you make a pirate furious?

You take away the ‘p’!

$246. How will you make a pirate furious?

Just take away the “p”

$247. How do you know if a doctor is dressed up as a pirate?

He says AED a lot!

#248. What was the pirate’s favorite mode of land transportation?

Carrrrrrr

#249. Where do pirates put their cars while they’re sailing?

A parrrrrking lot

#250. Where do pirates keep their valuables?

In the jarrrr

#251. What was the pirate’s favorite U.S. state?

Arrrrkansas

#252. What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye matey (I’m eighty) years old!

#253. Why didn’t the pirate eat candy on Halloween?

He was on a low Carrrrrrb diet!

It just waved saying nothing.

#254. Why are maths teachers secretly pirates?

Because they’re always trying to find X!

#255. Why is being a pirate so addictive?

Because once you lose your first hand, you get hooked!

#256. What does pirate Santa say?

Row row row!

#257. What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?

Robin Hook!

#258. Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank?

Because they’ll just wash up on shore later!

#259. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?

A buck an ear!

#260. What’s a pirate’s favorite subject?

Arrrt!

#261.  What’s a pirate’s favorite type of fish?

A swordfish!

#262. Why did the pirate buy an eyepatch!

Because he couldn’t get an iPhone!

#263. What happened to the crews when the red pirate ship fought with the blue pirate ship?

They got marooned!

#264. What type of haircut does a pirate get?

The crew cut!

Simple Pirate Jokes

#265. The pirate buries his treasures, but the farmer treasures his berries.

#266. 3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates.

#267. A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor says: “They’re benign.” The pirate replies: “no, no doc, there be 11. I counted them before I came here.”

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