Funny Just Married Quotes and Wishes

Funny Just Married Quotes: People love to read Cute Just Married Quotes for Newly Married Couples and Happy Marriage Quotes Wishes for a Happy Married Life. But we rarely think of reading funny, just married quotes. In this article you will find some selected funny marriage quotes from the internet.

Funny Just Married Quotes

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot anymore.

Words for a successful marriage: I’m sorry dear – It’s my fault.

Congrats on your promotion from “When will you marry?” to “When are you going have babies???”

All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. – Raymond Hull

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up. – Evelyn Hendrickson

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.

Spouse: someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.

Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage. Funny Just Married Quotes

Funny Just Married Quotes and Wishes

By all means – get married! If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad wife, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming at a restaurant.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. Funny Just Married Quotes

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. – Henny Youngman

Don’t run to your mom if your spouse does something you don’t like. You’re a unit now. Act like it.

Don’t ever stop dating your wife, Don’t ever stop flirting with your husband.

Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement ring, Wedding ring and Suffering.

Getting married is like a class on Shakespeare. You get a little comedy, some romance and a lot of tragedy. Congratulations.

They say opposite attract – If that’s the case your marriage could last for a very long time. Best wishes.

Marriage is the equivalent of signing a contract which does not give you the option of renewing it every year.

Funny Positive Marriage Quotes

A happy marriage depends on spouses saying this simple phrase, “Yes Dear.” Funny Just Married Quotes

Well now it’s the beginning of the end for you. No more beers, no more night outs but you now have a loving wife. Congrats.

You both should write a book about your marriage life and it should be titled ‘Forever..”

After marriage, “Spending time with friends” will be a distant memory. Funny Just Married Quotes

Marriage is a book in which the initial chapter is written in POETRY and the remaining chapters in PROSE.

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. – Gilbert K. Chesterton, Funny Just Married Quotes

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by marriage. – Lord Byron, Funny Just Married Quotes

Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming, you have to start over again every morning.

A good marriage is like good wine, it gets better with age. Funny Just Married Quotes

Funny Positive Marriage Quotes

You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.

If you want peace in your house, do what your wife wants. Funny Just Married Quotes

An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

Million dollar truth..Wife is cute when she is mute and Husband is honey when he gives money.

After marriage, husband & wife becomes two sides of a coin; They just can’t face each other, but still they stay together. – Hemant Joshi

Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers. – Alan King, Funny Just Married Quotes

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

If he says he will be home by 11.00pm after a night out with his friends, don’t lock the front door before at least 1.00am.

Happiest couple don’t HAVE the best of everything, they just MAKE the best of everything.

Two things are necessary to keep your wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.

Remember, marriage is like a flower – Keep it fed and watered so it can blossom and grow!

A man can be the head of the house, but a woman is a neck and she may turn the head any direction she wants!

Marriage is just like an Insurance, you pay, pay, keep paying and you never get anything back.

Husbands are like fires – they go out when unattended. – Zsa Zsa Gabor, Funny Just Married Quotes

Funny Love Marriage Quotes

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner. Funny Just Married Quotes

My prince is not coming on a white horse… He’s obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost. Funny Just Married Quotes

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. – Helen Rowland

Chains do not hold a marriage together. There are threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly. Funny Just Married Quotes

Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their faces!

Ever since it started snowing my husband has been standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. – Ogden Nash, Funny Just Married Quotes

I may be annoying, say dumb stuff, make you really mad, put all of that aside and you’ll never find someone who loves you more than me.

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. – Rita Rudner

Funny Love Marriage Quotes

It’s funny when people discuss Love marriage Vs Arrange marriage. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

Problems in married life are not STOP signs, they are guidelines. Funny Just Married Quotes

Best relationship advice for 2017: Pay more attention to your life partner than you do to your phone. Funny Just Married Quotes

Make room in your busy schedule. For example, stop making love to your wife every now and then to get some work done.

Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you. Funny Just Married Quotes

Don’t Live in the Past, don’t compliment your wife for how she used to look in outfits that no longer fit. Tell your wife she looks great in the moment.

Go to Bed Angry, it’s better to go to bed angry than stay up all night fighting – you’ll need your rest in order to win the fight tomorrow.

Often we underestimate the power of a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, a touch or the smallest act of caring. All of which have the potential to turn a life around.

To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart – about a finger’s breadth – for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.

If you want something, feed Him. When men are hungry, they get cranky and irritable. A hungry husband is less likely to agree to any requests or demands. If you need to discuss something serious, or if you want him to do something for you, check his appetite first.

Right from the Author

Marriage is the ultimate bonding between two loving people, who have a desire with a commitment to stay together for a lifetime.

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