100 Best Bartender Quotes to Use on the Job

Bartender Quotes: A bartender can make the most incredible cocktail, but he can also make the worst drink. Chances are you’re going to order a martini or whisky, and you’re going to be treated to your bartender’s “shining” smile.

While this may initially be flattering, you may find yourself wondering, “Why is he smiling so much?” Some bartenders are more outgoing than others. Some are great with customers while others are not. I’ve observed dozens of bartenders over the years and can tell you that some have a lot of personality, while others have very little. The best bartenders have a natural charm; they have fun in the job and know how to help people in a warm, friendly and genuine manner.

A bartender is the person who runs the bar. They know the drinks, the customers, and the customers know the drinks. I was going to say that a bartender is someone who handles all those things, but I don’t think that would be fair to everyone who does this job.

Bartender Quotes

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” – Oscar Wilde. Bartender Quotes!

“A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.” – Albert Einstein. Bartender Quotes!

“Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.” – Mark Twain

“I toured Ontario in ’48, in the touring company The Drunkard. I played the bartender.” – Jonathan Frid

“Lady bartenders live a tougher life than anybody knows.” – James Crumley. Bartender Quotes!

“I like the sound the glass makes when the bartender puts it on the counter.” – Rude Awakening

Bartender Quotes

“Hey bartender, hey man, look here. Give us one more, two more, three more glasses of beer.” – Koko Taylor

“I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.” – Adrian Rogers. Bartender Quotes!

“If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.” – Richard Kadrey. Bartender Quotes!

“I was an amazing bartender and a great waiter. In a way, that was my acting school.” – Nick Frost

“The greatest accomplishment of a bartender lies in his ability to exactly suit his customer. . .” – Harry Gordon Johnson

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” – Humphrey Bogart. Bartender Quotes!

Also Read: Quotes about Smoke Fire and Air

Famous Bartender Quotes

“I’m a bartender. I do, like, great things.” – Angelina Pivarnick. Bartender Quotes!

“You know you’re in trouble when the bartender cries.” – Michael Peterson. Bartender Quotes!

“The only way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.” – P. J. O’Rourke

“I wanted to be a bartender for a bit.” – Gia Coppola. Bartender Quotes!

“I love to go to the bar close by for a good espresso and have a chat with the bartender.” – Ludovico Einaudi

Famous Bartender Quotes

“Anyway, whacking a surly bartender ain’t much of a crime.” – Larry McMurtry

“If you truly love me, kill the bartender.” – Quentin Crisp. Bartender Quotes!

“Will there be any bartenders up there in heaven, will the pubs never close?” – Richard Thompson

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” – Dean Martin

“You know you’re in trouble, when the bartender cries.” – Michael Peterson. Bartender Quotes!

“Anyway, whacking a surly bartender ain’t much of a crime.” – Larry McMurtry. Bartender Quotes!

“The difference between a rich drunk and a poor one is that a rich one tells his problems to a psychiatrist and a poor one tells his to a bartender.” – Ray Foley

“No one ever made history in the living room. And without a bartender, who at home are you going to tell your troubles to? Your dog?” – Steven Kates

“I studied international relations and economics at the University of Virginia. I paid my way by working as a bartender in the summer and at three part-time jobs during the year.” – Jacqueline Novogratz

Best Bartender Quotes

“People tend to talk openly to bartenders.” – Johnny Welsh. Bartender Quotes!

“Will there be any bartenders up there in Heaven? Will the pubs never close?” – Richard Thompson

“A theory that you can’t explain to a bartender is probably no damn good.” – Ernest Rutherford

“Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.” – P. J. O’Rourke

“Bless my soul,” whispered the old bartender, “Harry Potter . . . what an honor.” – J. K. Rowling

“I was an amazing bartender and a great waiter. I think, in a way, that was my acting school.” – Nick Frost

“I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.” – Ron Burgundy. Bartender Quotes!

“I had a bartender friend once tell me about a $14.00 shot of vodka, this was years ago it’s probably more now. I thought that was crazy. From what I understand, vodka has no taste. I think people like the taste of their money.” – Ian MacKaye

“Women, you overheated dipsomaniacs, never passing up a chance to wangle a drink, a great boon to bartenders but a bane to us–not to mention our crockery and our woolens!” – Aristophanes

“An American goes into an Irish pub. He said to the bartender, ‘Whiskey and ice.’ The bartender said, ‘There’s no ice.’ The American said, ‘I’ll have water.’ He said, ‘You can’t. The water’s frozen.” – Hal Roach

Bartender Quotes for Instagram

“I don’t have a drinking problem, except when I can’t get a drink.” – Tom Waits

“A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.” – Charlie Chaplin

“Whiskey is, by far, the most popular of all remedies that will not cure a cold.” – Jerry Vale

“Wine is sunlight held together by water.” – Galileo. Bartender Quotes!

“They say as soon as you have to cut down on your drinking, you have a drinking problem.” – Don Draper

“Don’t dare to bargain at my bar, you should be drunk.” – Dr.P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar. Bartender Quotes!

“A conservative, a liberal, and a moderate walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Hi, Mitt.’” – Foster Friess

“A bartender can’t be made overnight, though, and a headful of recipes and facts will only get you so far.” – Ray Foley

“I was a bartender for four years, and that was the best training that I had for learning how to approach people.” – Maggie Haberman

A good writer is not, per se, a good book critic. No more so than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender.” – Jim Bishop

Basically, I’m for anything that gets you through the night—be it prayer, tranquilizers, or a bottle of Jack Daniel’s.” – Frank Sinatra

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” – Humphrey Bogart. Bartender Quotes!

Inspiring Bartender Quotes

“Lady bartenders live a tougher life than anybody knows.” – James Crumley, Bartender quotes life

“For the bartender, the weight of the finished beverage isn’t important, but the volume is.” – Dave Arnold

“Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.” – W. C. Fields

“Hey bartender, hey man, look here. Give us one more, two more, three more glasses of beer.” – Koko Taylor. Bartender Quotes!

“Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.” – Mark Twain. Bartender Quotes!

“I was a good bartender. I wouldn’t say I was the best bartender in New York, but I could hold my own.” – Samira Wiley

“My dad was a cop. My mom worked at various jobs – she worked as a homemaker, a bank teller, and a bartender.” – Lee Daniels

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name — and you’ve never been to that bar before.” – Zach Galifianakis

“A good writer is not, per se, a good book critic. No more so than a good drunk who is automatically a good bartender.” – Jim Bishop

“I toured Ontario in the winter of ’48, in a touring company of The Drunkard, in which I played the bartender.” – Jonathan Frid

“Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, “Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’” – Rodney Dangerfield. Bartender Quotes!

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” – Ernest Hemingway. Bartender Quotes!

“By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing.” – Don Marquis

“A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks, what’ll it be? The duck doesn’t answer because it’s a duck.” – Jodi Picoult. Bartender Quotes!

The professional bartender has the convenience of a daily fresh produce delivery to the restaurant or bar room door.” – Jeffrey Morgenthaler

“I worked at Starbucks, I was a waiter, a bartender and a valet, sometimes working 2 to 3 jobs at a time while getting a lot of ‘no’s’ as an actor.” – Andrea Hall

Bartender Quotes and Sayings

“I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated.” – Al McGuire

“There are few professions whose primary objective is to advance the cause of humanity rather than simply to make money or accrue power. Among this limited group of humanitarians I would number teachers, nurses, bookstore owners, and bartenders.” – Jack McDevitt

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“I’m a bartender. I like recipes. They’re concretes. Was the drink recipe for seduction one shot charm and two shots self-deception, shaken, not stirred?” – Karen Marie Moning

“You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name — and you’ve never been to that bar before.” – Zach Galifianakis

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” – Jack Lemmon. Bartender Quotes!

“I could finally quit my job as a bartender and stop dreaming that I might be Superman and know that I was. Then I started thinking about how cool it was.” – Brandon Routh

“Anorexia was there for me before I got into modeling, but because of the arena and the demands, the disease really got out of control for me. It’s like being an alcoholic and going and being a bartender.” – Carre Otis

“Now I need to take a piece of wood and make it sound like the railroad track, but I also had to make it beautiful and lovable so that a person playing it would think of it in terms of his mistress, a bartender, his wife, a good psychiatrist – whatever.” – Les Paul

“There was a sad fellow over on a bar stool talking to the bartender, who was polishing a glass and listening with that plastic smile people wear when they are trying not to scream.” – Raymond Chandler

“…went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. “Surprise me”, I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield. Bartender Quotes!

Best Bartender Quotes

“I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated.” – Al McGuire. Bartender Quotes!

“Placing a wedge of lime in the neck of a Corona bottle helps sell those beers. And where did that ritual come from? One story has it that two bartenders in California were curious how fast a ritual could spread. Astonishingly fast, they discovered.” – Martin Lindstrom

“After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you can see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.” – Oscar Wilde

“An efficient bartender’s first aim should be to please his customers, paying particular attention to meet the individual wishes of those whose tastes and desires he has already watched and ascertained.”-  Jerry Thomas

“It’s true though: time moves in its own special way in the middle of the night,” the bartender says, loudly striking a book match and lighting a cigarette. “You can’t fight it.” – Haruki Murakami

“I mean, I’ve had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I’ve never even thought about, and they’re right.” – Todd Barry

“I was frustrated because I couldn’t get going, as I was trying to figure out how to make films. I had various jobs, I taught a SAT class, I was a bartender, I had a day job at an office and was making short films.” – David O. Russell

Bartender Life Quotes

“Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, “Where’d you get the pig?” Guy says, “This is a duck.” Bartender says, “I was talking to the duck.”” – Rodney Dangerfield. Bartender Quotes!

“Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, “What will you have, sir?” And I said, “A glass of hemlock.”” – Ernest Hemingway

“Placing a wedge of lime in the neck of a Corona bottle helps sell those beers. And where did that ritual come from? One story has it that two bartenders in California were curious how fast a ritual could spread. Astonishingly fast, they discovered.” – Martin Lindstrom

“Everyone feels like they would love to be a really cool bartender in a really cool bar, but you’re still surrounded by people who want to destroy themselves with alcohol. When you look at it that way, it’s not that much fun.” – John Hodgman

“I believe that in your heart you already know something is profoundly wrong. When bartenders are responsible for drunk drivers’ acts, and gunmakers are responsible for criminals’ acts, and nobody is responsible for O. J. Simpson’s acts, something is wrong.” – Charlton Heston

“There’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I pour whiskey on him and inhale cigarette smoke and the whores and the bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he’s in there.” – Charles Bukowski

“This guitar is such a pal. It’s a psychiatrist. It’s a doggone bartender. It’s a housewife. This guy is everything. Whenever I find that I’ve got a problem, I’ll go pick my guitar up and play. It’s the greatest pal in the whole world.” – Les Paul

“He had a habit of remarking to bartenders that he didn’t see any sense in mixing whiskey with water since the whiskey was already wet.” – Joseph Mitchell. Bartender Quotes!

“I’ve always thought that bartenders and hairstylists would be great interrogators because all day long they have to listen to people talk. They could probably make some fugitive spill the beans.” – Joelle Carter

“Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, “Where’d you get the pig?” Guy says, “This is a duck.” Bartender says, “I was talking to the duck.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“He had a habit of remarking to bartenders that he didn’t see any sense in mixing whiskey with water since the whiskey was already wet.” – Joseph Mitchell. Bartender Quotes!

“I mean, I’ve had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I’ve never even thought about, and they’re right.” – Todd Barry

“Everyone feels like they would love to be a really cool bartender in a really cool bar, but you’re still surrounded by people who want to destroy themselves with alcohol. When you look at it that way, it’s not that much fun.” – John Hodgman

“There are few professions whose primary objective is to advance the cause of humanity rather than simply to make money or accrue power. Among this limited group of humanitarians, I would number bartenders, teachers, nurses, and bookstore owners.” – Jack McDevitt

From the Author

Every day, bartenders and waiters perform many tasks that require a combination of speed, accuracy and creativity. As such, they are constantly asked to provide customers with top-notch service. These professionals want to learn the skills necessary to perform their jobs well, but they also need ways to capture the attention of their clients while they’re in the middle of making drinks.

In order to do this effectively, bartenders often use barware that’s customized and adorned with memorable phrases, logos and photos. A great bartender will always have a variety of unique items in their barware collection that can be used for different purposes.

This includes tumblers, glasses, napkins, mugs and plates. Below are some quotes from bartenders that you should think about using as inspiration for your own designs and collections.

“The customer is always right”

“It’s not how much money you make; it’s how much money you spend.”

“It goes both ways.”

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